Youth Mentoring Collaborative Training

I had the opportunity last week to attend a Youth Mentoring Collaborative training hosted by Jon Roberts from Colorado Youth @ Risk. The topic of training was Coaching Kids Effectively. Not only was it great to learn some pointers for working with youth but it was inspiring to meet other people from the Denver area who were dedicating their lives to serving youth. I wanted to share what I learned in hopes that you will be able to incorporate pieces into your work with youth.

All Youth Mentoring Collaborative and Colorado Youth at Risk trainings are completely free of charge and open to the public. More information can be found at:
http://www.youthmentoringcollaborative.org
http://www.coyar.org/

Framework of Success :
There are two predictors to success for youth:
-An interested adult
-A sense of the future and their place in it

There are also 5 senses/needs of youth:
-Being heard
-Being understood
-Being knowledgeable about at least one thing
-Being competent about at least one thing
-Being influential and making a difference

It is important to find out what your youth are interested in an encourage them to become knowledgeable in that area. The difference between being knowledgeable and competent is that competency is the ability to use your knowledge. As mentors, it is our job to be an interested adult, teach a sense of future and a place in it and help our youth recognize and become more aware of their needs. Listen, ask questions, teach and enable your youth. By doing these things, you are pushing them towards a more successful future. It is important to continue to ask questions and stay engaged because topics of interest and areas of knowledge and competency change often, sometimes even daily, for youth.

Effective Coaches do at Least 5 things
1. Coach in small goals/steps
2. Get permission
3. Create possibility
4. Reinforce the behavior that works
5. Turn breakdowns into breakthroughs

Get Permission:
Getting permission from youth is crucially important. It empowers and engages them. Most youth are told to do things, not asked. By asking before you give advice or feedback you are gaining their trust and creating a safe environment. If you say, "Can I give you some advice?" and they answer no, respect that! This is a perfect opportunity to ask "Great, when might we be able to talk about this?" Often times, the answer will be right now. By respecting their opinions, you are showing that you respect them. This may be the first time their opinion has ever been respected in their lives.

There are other ways to ask for permission. Some examples are: "Do you want to hear my experience?", "Can I share a story?", and “Would you like to know my thoughts?"

Create possibility:
At-risk youth often do not life in a life full of positive possibilities. As a mentor, you have the opportunity to open your youth up to a world of possibility they never thought was possible. An aspect of the SOS curriculum that struck me during our discussion of possibility was the core value of compassion. Possibility is often taught by putting yourselves in someone else’s shoes. In doing so, you are able to see the world from their perspective. This teaches both compassion and possibility. By seeing the world from a new angle, you can understand other as well as what they see.

AN EXERCISE ON PERSPECTIVE:
-Get a cardboard box and put a different picture on every side
-Ask people who have different angles what they see
-Ask the participants, "Is it fair to say that everyone is looking at the same box? Is it fair to say that everyone saw something different?"
-The lesson: People often see things, even the same thing, from different perspectives. It is important to be aware of the other perspectives that people may have so you can better understand every situation. As a mentor, it is your job to teach these new perspectives and open your youth up to a world of POSSIBILITY. It isn't hard to create possibility. Simply share a new/different perspective than the one they have.

AN EXERCISE ON POSSIBILITY:
-Draw a circle on a napkin, piece of paper or anything else you can get your hands on
-Section off a very small section of the circle and label it "Know that you Know"
-Section off another small section of the circle, about twice the size of the first and label it "Know that you Don't Know"
-Label the rest of the circle "Don't Know that you Don't Know"
-Ask the students, "What do you KNOW that you KNOW?" (Ex. I know that I know how to tie my shoes)
-Ask the students, "What do you KNOW that you DON'T KNOW?" (Ex. I know that I don't know how to fly a plane)
-Ask the students, "What DON'T YOU KNOW that you DON'T KNOW?" (Answer: I don't know)
-What they don't know that they don't know are the POSSIBILITIES in their life. For some youth, this may be college, being successful, even living past the age of 21. This is a great way to find out what they don't even know that they don't know and teach them those things.

Here is a great tool to use with your kids. This activity was created for teens and as a training tool for mentors. Feel free to modify and make it age appropriate for the younger ones:

Coach Player Critic
1. Draw a diagram of a football field with goal posts and bleachers (doesn't have to be fancy!)
2. Ask everyone to tell you what type of people they would see in this environment (I.E. players, coaches, vendors, reporters, refs, cheerleaders etc.)
3. Explain that the players are the kids, the mentors are the coaches and everyone else is the critics
4. The key is that the ONLY PEOPLE ON THE FIELD ARE THE PLAYERS AND THE COACHES. Although everyone else may have an effect on the game, it is up to you to concentrate and win!

The focus of this activity for youth:
-Are they on or off the court? You can ask your kids this question. If they are not playing 100% that is fine but they should take themselves off the court to regroup. They are welcome to rejoin the team once they are ready to play 100% again

The focus of this activity for mentors:
-What game(s) are your youth playing? (In life, at school, at home etc.)
-Who are the critics?
-How are they affecting the game?
-How can you coach them to win the game?
-What new games can you introduce?
***REMEMBER TO GET PERMISSION TO COACH!

Reinforce the behavior that works through descriptive praise:
Descriptive praise opens the opportunity for coaching. Unlike evaluative praise which is general (Good job, Way to go, Nice work), Descriptive praise addresses the specific situation.
1. BE SPECIFIC
2. SAY WHY IT IS IMPORTANT
3. SAY HOW IT AFFECTS THE FUTURE
Example:
"Greg, you did a great job getting a B in your Math class. It is important because getting a B will help you reach your goal of passing math. Passing math will help you graduate high school and get into CCD like we talked about."